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| XXII | His Queen | CALI Living | #AMUA |

It’s Sickening

Whether it be about you, for you or with you I love everything there is to know about you. Your little blue veins in the inside of your wrists are the music staff of your heart.. and with each and every beat, your heart rhythmically etches a melodic note, forever in red. The past 3 years that we’ve been together, you’ve formed the most immaculate concerto that not even the most prodigal composer could ever form, by just breathing. I could stare at you for hours and watch your chest rise and fall every single night. I would let my arm go completely numb and oxygen-ridden just so I won’t wake you. I’d spend as long as I have left on this earth and lose every ounce of my voice to profess my sickening love of your beautiful body every day. I am insane. I have completely lost all sense of direction and faith in this world but one thing that has never failed me is your ravishingly perfect aria of the two of us.

I need you. Without you, there would never be a perfect harmony.

It’s you.

I asked you what you would tell a child what love feels.. You didn’t know how to answer right off the bat, you stumbled with your words, you thought long and hard and eventually you told me you’d get back to me. Reasonable. Understandable. Now, it’s time for me to give you my answer.

May 31, 2011 at exactly 1:30 pm you sent me a message on facebook for the very first time. I didn’t know who you were, never heard your name before, never seen your pictures but I knew something was to come of this. And eventually something did come.

September 15, 2011 is the day that you and I first met. We met at the college, at around 9:30 pm. I just got out of volleyball practice and you ditched your Japanese class early to meet me. I was sweating, in my volleyball outfit and hair pulled back and you were wearing your favorite sweatshirt and you smelled nice.

Before I knew it, before we knew what was to happen. We did something absolutely amazing and we created something that we both didn’t expect to happen. Especially not so fast and not so intense. The next couple of months were the best, most fun I’ve ever had. Random trips to the beach, hanging out at your house when I was supposed to be at school. Doing on cute hot chocolate dates. You were the first guy that has ever walked into my life that looked me in my soul and you healed me. You saved me. You had this power over me that I couldn’t fight off and as hard as I tried to deny it, I had fallen so incredibly hard for you. This love was first for you and the millionth time for me. Sadly, I took that for granted and things eventually took a turn for the worse for us and things fell apart for you because of my decisions. I was hasty and I’m sorry. I broke what we had because I thought I had found someone better…

We spent about 4 months not speaking to each other but both hinting that we missed the other. Tumblr was the only source of subtle communication we had without making it so blatantly obvious but we both knew who these posts were meant for. Some posts were heart warming, knowing that I was missed and how much you liked me and how much you STILL liked me. Some posts hurt like a blade straight to the heart. Cold, blunt, but always truthful. It didn’t take long for you to pick up on my sadness when that “someone better” turned out to be one of the biggest regrets I’ve ever made. You accepted that I was his but you consoled my breaking heart as if it had always been yours. And, I guess in a way it always has been.

I rushed into it. I was selfish. I was cruel. I was naive. I was stupid. But in all it’s glory, I’m glad it happened. Like I’ve said this to you before, I am so glad that it took a failure for me to realize what I had in you all this time. Even then, when I left without giving you an explanation. When I stormed off and never spoke to you again. Even though, I was mean and ignored you when you just wanted answers. You were there with your arms opened wide for me to run back into them.

Once again, you saved this poor soul of mine.

You made it clear that this time, you were not going to lose me. I made it clear that if we were going to try this again, I would not do it unless I know we’re a sure thing. Man. If I only knew then what I know now, I would have saved myself the trouble and been yours since day one.

As time went on, our feelings for each other got so incredibly strong that people couldn’t break our attraction for each other with a chain saw. It was inevitable. You fit into the broken pieces like God himself crafted you so delicately to ensure that you would fit into every inch of me like the earth was created for us to meet. I was terrified. I’d wake up every morning looking forward to what the day had in store for us. I’d go to sleep at night wondering how long it would all last. I’ve never loved anything this immensely in my entire life. Of course, there the familiar love of family, siblings and life long friends. And like I said before, I’ve loved over and over again and each and every time I was sure that I had found the real thing that everyone was so crazed about.

It’s so funny how every time I thought I was in love, It was a test to see how much I’d be able to handle. Every relationship, ever boyfriend after that my love great stronger and stronger but none of them stuck and it all happened for a reason.

You know this, I never had intentions on loving you. I didn’t know how long our summer fling would last. Yet, every single time I told myself that I didn’t love you, I knew that I was completely full of shit. I was so insanely in love with you. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t know how to act around you.

It was your birthday, and as your gift you had asked me to spend the weekend with you. We got pizza, we saw your friends for a bit, we watched movies and we drank some Henessey while sitting on your couch and listening to music videos on youtube, we cuddled and …

It was on the way home. You were dropping me off after I had spent your birthday weekend with and I was sitting the passenger seat of your car and I was in a daze. “Why do I feel this way. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to go home. I smell like his cologne.” All the way home, you held my hand and I was sweating like a whore in church. I knew it. I felt it within every single vein in my body. Fuck. I love him.

I tried to play it cool. I tried to put up a front but I honestly didn’t know how to act around you anymore. I was so awkward. My laugh was different because I knew something you didn’t know. My body language was off because I didn’t want to be obvious. All this time, you had absolutely no problem in telling me you loved me and I know you really did. You confessed that I was the first girl you told that to so I knew you were serious. I waited. I wanted to make sure. And at that moment, I’ve never been so sure.

On Monday, July 9th, I said ‘I love you’ for the first time…through a text because I was too shy to say it in person. July 13th, you asked me to be your girlfriend. Now, two year later. It’s still just me and you.

Iravin, never in a million years could you fathom the thought of how much you truly mean to me. I count the days, the hours and minutes until I can see you again. I want you all the time in every way possible. My heart feels like it’s pumping solid gold through my veins because of you. I slept better at night knowing that you’re next to me to protect me, to wrap your arm around me, to elbow me in the face and to plant soft litle kisses on my forehead while I’m snoring. You get me. You don’t look at me like I’m some sort of riddle like other people do. You get my stupid dorky humor. You make me feel sexy when I’m absolutely atrocious. You have known me, in more ways than one, what it’s like to be loved. I could right a chronicle of books about my feelings for you and they can never touch base on what I feel. I can tell you every single day, write it down, draw a picture, kiss you a million times over but it wouldn’t do it justice. I have never felt so alive than when I’m with you. You pulled me out of my darkest days, held me tight, kissed my wounds, take time out of your day to tell me cute little stories and with all this baggage I came along with, you accepted me. I owe you so so much honey. For showing me everything I didn’t know I was missing out on. I stall and stumble when I try to tell how much I love you because the feeling overwhelms me and I start to cry because I just cant get it out. But, I hope when I steal your last name like you stole my heart, make a home for just us two then realize it’s a little cramped with all those little me and you’s running around. Until we celebrate 20 years of being married and another 20 after that. Until we’re old and we fight and we make up the best way old people can make up and until one of us has to say goodbye to the other and “Until we meet again.” I will be your backbone, I will be your rock. I will be your biggest fan. I will be your girlfriend. I will be your wife. I will be your savior. I will be your friend. No amount of time. No amount of fights. No amount of distance could ever change that.

Now, to answer the question “what is love?” It’s always been you.

howboutaquickie:

I know this might sound crazy but from the first moment I started to get to know you, I fell in love.

I love you too <3

I cannot begin to tell you how many times by boyfriend has pulled this look on me lol

I cannot begin to tell you how many times by boyfriend has pulled this look on me lol

(Source: blavity, via howboutaquickie)

howboutaquickie:

she makes my days better, my nights better, my life better, me better.. what more can I ask for in a girl. she’s beautiful, intelligent, funny, and the sex game is uncontested ;) none of that has anything to do with how amazing she is though. she’s my better half that I’ve been dreaming of, my dream girl, take that back actually.. she’s better than my dream girl. she’s Margie Caroline Posada. my girlfriend.

My boyfriend is the cutest shit ever <3

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